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Stress Management
For Parents
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Parenting can be very
stressful. Whether you are a stay at home parent or a working
parent, a single parent or a married parent, mother or father, parent of one
child or several children; remaining cool, calm and full of energy can help get
you through the day. Below are some simple stress management tips and
relaxation exercises that have proven useful to adults whether or not they are a
parent. By taking a moment to consider which stress management tools will work
for you and then putting them into practice immediately will help to provide the
stress management approach you are looking for and the stress relief you
deserve.
 Take
Time To Learn To Relax
How
do we get so tense?
Progressive
Relaxation
Deep
Breathing
How
to take a mental vacation
Some
other ways to feel relaxed
52
Proven Stress Reducers
How
do we get so tense?
When we are worried, anxious, hurried or harried our body
begins to feel tense. Actually, this is a natural reaction. Our body is
preparing us for flight or fight. Our body has been given the signal to prepare
to respond to a threat. If a real physical danger were present, we would be able
to protect ourselves by attack or retreat. When the emergency was over, an
"all clear signal" would be given and our body would relax and return
to its normal state.
In our modern existence, our mind is often bothered by many
things. We call this stress. Constant mental stress keeps our body in constant
tension which itself becomes a form of stress. We can handle stress by learning
to cope with thoughts and events so they no longer are stressful. We can also
learn to relax. When we practice relaxation, we are giving the "all clear
signal." As we become better at giving the signal we are able to trigger
the relaxation response so our body will return to its normal state.
Chronic tension affects each of us differently.
Depending on the person it can cause sleep disturbance, increased or decreased
appetite, headaches, stomach aches, poor concentration or irritability. Some
diseases may be caused by or made worse by chronic tension. Also, our immune
system can be weakened. thus, making us more susceptible to colds and other
infections.
Our section titled 52 Proven Ways to Reduce Stress gives
some tips on coping. This section will help you learn Three Proven Ways to
Relax. The are: (1) Progressive Relaxation, (2) Deep Breathing, and (3) Pleasant
Images.
Use of positive mental images can be useful. Many
parents have benefited from listening to a relaxation tape such as
[Being
A Happy Effective Parent].
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Progressive
Relaxation
We will start with your feet and lower legs. Tighten those
muscles just as hard as you can. Feel the tension. Then gradually release the
tension. Let your feet and lower leg muscles relax just a little bit at a time.
Repeat this with your upper leg and hip muscles. Again, experience first the
tension and then the gradual relaxation as you slowly release all the tension.
Next, tense the muscles in your hands and lower arms. Make a
fist. Tighten them as tight as you can. Then gradually let them relax. With each
muscle group, the relaxation feels good. As you relax one group at a time your
whole being will be begin to feel relaxed, calm and peaceful. Repeat the tension
and then gradual relaxation with your upper arms and shoulders. Remember to
tense and hold before relaxing.
Next, tighten your stomach muscles. Hold the tension and then
gradually release. Then, move to your chest muscles. Take a deep breath.
Hold it while tensing your chest muscles. Gradually let out your breath while
gradually letting go of the tension in your chest muscles.
As you have now progressively relaxed most of your major
muscle groups, you may feel a tingly sensation. You will find that your
breathing has become slower and deeper. You are now relaxed.
Try to practice on a daily basis. When you have followed the
above for about 10 to 15 sessions, try it without tensing the muscles. See if
you can just relax one muscle group at a time while breathing slowly and deeply.
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Deep
Breathing
When we are tense, our breathing is often shallow and rapid.
If fact, most of us do not breathe properly, tense or not. Improper breathing
robs us of oxygen which purifies our body as well as helps our body produce
energy. Fortunately, learning to breathe properly is not difficult. Find a
comfortable place to lie down. Place your hands on your abdomen just below your
ribs. Begin breathing slowly and deeply. If you are breathing properly, you will
feel the expansion in the abdominal area before your rib cage expands. Spend 5
to 10 minutes several times a day practicing your deep breathing. You will
notice that as you become more proficient, your breathing will improve during
your normal activities.
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How
to take a mental vacation.
When we think about things that are upsetting, our body
tenses up. This is because the lower centers of our brain, which regulate body
functions, does not distinguish between real images and those which are
imagined. If you think about being in an uncomfortable situation, your body will
begin to respond as if you were in that situation. Since you have probably had
lots of experience thinking about things that cause tension, you actually have
all the skills necessary to do just the opposite. Imagine something that makes
you feel good.
To prepare for your mental vacation, relax your muscles and
take a few deep breaths. Then close your eyes and imagine you are someplace you
enjoy. It could be the beach or the mountains or enjoying a favorite activity.
Try to fully experience this imagined event. See the sights. Hear the sounds.
Feel the air. Smell the smells. Tune in to the sense of well-being. At first,
you should allow 10 to 15 minutes for this exercise. As you become more adept
you will find that you can feel like you have been on a long vacation or just
come back from a good time in just a few moments.
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Some
other ways to feel relaxed
Listening to music is very relaxing. Reading can be rewarding
for many. Enjoying a hobby can make life more fun. Research has shown that
exercising several times a week (even just a walk) can reduce stress and
tension. Research has also found that regular church attendance and daily prayer
result in lower blood pressure and better coping.
Avoid too much caffeine or alcohol. Both of these are thought
to be relaxing but they can actually make things worse. Avoid watching the news
before going to bed. Try to take one day at a time. Look for the good things
that happen each day and be thankful. Reach out and touch someone. Giving IS
better than receiving. Be forgiving. Don’t hold grudges. No one is perfect. We
all make mistakes. As you learn to forgive others, use a little on yourself.
Tomorrow is another day.
Remember the AA serenity prayer:
Grant me the courage to change the things I can change.
The ability to accept the things I cannot change.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
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52
Proven Stress Reducers
1.
Get up fifteen
minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less
stressful.
2.
Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table,
make lunches, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc.
3.
Don’t rely on your memory. Write down appointment times, when to pick up the
laundry, when library books are due, etc. ("The palest ink is better than
the most retentive memory."-Old Chinese Proverb)
4. Doing
nothing which, after being done, leads you to tell a lie.
5.
Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden and
carry a duplicate car key in your wallet, apart from your key ring.
6.
Practice preventive maintenance. your car, appliances,
home and relationships will be less likely to break down/fall apart "at the
worst possible moment."
7.
Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a
wait in a post office line almost pleasant.
8.
Procrastination
is stressful Whatever you want to do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do
today, do it now.
9.
Plan
ahead. Don’t let the gas tank get below one-quarter full. Keep a
well-stocked emergency shelf of home staples. Don’t wait until you’re
down to your last bus token or postage stamp to buy more, etc.
10.
Don’t put up with something that doesn't work right.
If your alarm clock, wallet, shoe laces, windshield wipers, whatever are a
constant aggravation, get them fixed or get new ones.
11.
Allow
15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments. Plan to arrive at an airport
one hour before domestic departures.
Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments.
Plan to arrive at an airport one hour before domestic departures.
12.
Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in your diet.
13.
Always set up
contingency plans, "just in case." ("If for some reason either of
us is delayed, here’s what we’ll do.." Or, "If we get
split up in the shopping center, here’s where we’ll meet.")
14. Relax
your standards. The world will not end if the grass doesn’t get mowed this
weekend.
15.
Pollyanna-Power! For every one thing that goes wrong, there are probably 10 or
50 or 100 blessings. Count’em!
16. Ask
questions. Taking a few moments to repeat back directions, what someone expects
of you, etc., can save hours. (The old "the hurrieder I go, the behinder I
get," idea).
17.
Say
"No!." Saying "no" to extra projects, social activities, and
invitations you know you don’t have the time or energy for takes practice,
self-respect, and a belief that everyone, everyday, needs quiet time to relax
and be alone.
18. Unplug
your phone. Want to take a long bath, meditate, sleep, or read without
interruption? Drum up the courage to temporarily disconnect. (The possibility of
there being a terrible emergency in the next hour or so is almost nil). Or use
an answering machine.
19. Turn
needs into preferences. Our basic physical needs translate into food, water, and
keeping warm. Everything else is a preference. Don’t get attached to
preferences.
20.
Simplify, simplify, simplify...
21.
Make friends
with nonworriers. Nothing can get you into the habit or worrying faster than
associating with chronic worrywarts.
22.
Get
up and stretch periodically if your job requires that you sit for extended
periods.
23.
Wear earplugs. If you need to find quiet at home, pop in some earplugs.
24. Get
enough sleep. If necessary, use an alarm clock to remind you to go to bed.
25. Create
order out of chaos. Organize your home and workspace so that you always
know exactly where things are. Put things away where they belong and you won’t
have to go through the stress of losing things.
26.
When
feeling stressed, most people tend to breathe in short, shallow breaths.
When you breathe like this, stale air is not expelled, oxidation of
the tissues is incomplete and muscle tension frequently results. Check
your breathing throughout the day and before, during and after high pressure
situations. If you find your stomach muscles are knotted and your breathing is
shallow, relax all your muscles and take several deep, slow breaths. Note how,
when you’re relaxed, both your abdomen and chest expand when you
breathe.
27. Writing
your thoughts and feelings down (in a journal, or a paper to be thrown away) can
help you clarify things and can give you a renewed
perspective.
28.
Try
the following yoga technique whenever you feel the need to relax. Inhale deeply
through your nose to the count of eight. Then with lips puckered, exhale very
slowly through your mouth to the count of 15 or for as long as you
can. Concentrate on the long sighing sound and feel the tension dissolve. Repeat
10 times.
29.
Inoculate yourself against a feared event. For example, before speaking in
public, take time to go over every part of the experience in your mind.
Imagine what you’ll wear, what the audience will look like, how you will
present your talk, what the questions will be and how you will answer them, etc.
Visualize the experience the way you would have it be. You’ll likely find that
when the time comes to make the actual presentation, it will be "old hat'
and much of your anxiety will have fled.
30. When
the stress of having to get a job done gets in the way of getting the job done,
diversion (a voluntary change in activity and/or environment) may be just what
you need.
31.
Talk it out. Discussing your problems with a trusted friend can help clear your
mind of confusion so you can concentrate on problem
solving.
32.
One
of the most obvious ways to avoid unnecessary stress is to select an environment
(work, home,
leisure) which is in line with your personal needs and desires. If you
hate desk jobs, don’t accept a job which requires that you sit at a desk all
day. If you hate to talk politics, don’t associate with people who love to
talk politics, etc.
33. Learn
to live one day at a time.
34. Every
day, do something you really enjoy.
35. Add an
ounce of love to everything you do.
36. Take a
hot bath or shower (or a cool one in the summertime) to relieve tension.
37. Do
something for somebody else. Make a meal for someone who is in need.
38. Focus
on understanding rather than on being understood; on loving rather than on being
loved.
39.
Do something that will improve your appearance.
Looking better can help you feel better.
40.
Schedule a realistic day. Avoid the tendency to schedule back-to-back
appointments. Allow time between appointments for a breathing spell.
41. Become
more flexible. Some things are worth not doing perfectly and some issues are
well to compromise upon.
42.
Eliminate
destructive self-talk; "I’m too old to...," "I’m too fat
to...," etc.
43.
Use your weekend time for a change of pace. If your
work week is slow and patterned, make sure there is action and
time for spontaneity built into your weekends. If your work week is
fast-paced and full of
people and deadlines, seek
peace and solitude during your days off. Feel as if you are not
accomplishing anything at work? Tackle a job on the weekend which you can finish
to your satisfaction.
44.
"Worry
about the pennies and the dollars will take of themselves." That’s
another way of saying: take care of the todays as best you can and the
yesterdays and the tomorrows will take care of themselves.
45. Do one
thing at a time. When you are with someone, be with that person and with no one
or anything else. When you are busy with a project,
concentrate on doing that project and forget about everything else you have to
do.
46.
Allow
yourself time-everyday-for privacy, quiet, and introspection.
47.
If an especially unpleasant task faces you, do it early in
the day and get it over with. Then, the rest of your day will be
free of anxiety.
48.
Learn to delegate responsibility to capable others.
49.
Don’t forget to take a lunch break. Try to get
away from your desk or work area in body and mind, even if its just for 15
or 20 minutes.
50.
Forget
about counting to 10. Count to 1,000 before doing something or saying anything
that could make matters worse.
51. Have a
forgiving view of events and people. Accept the fact that we live in an
imperfect world.
52.
Have an optimistic view of the world. Believe that most people are doing the
best they can.
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