by Linda Todd
Regardless of whether labor is long or short, whether
it is hard or easy whether a baby is born vaginally or
by cesarean, most parents recall the first hours and
days after birth as crystal-clear images surrounded by
haze. It is in this haze that you first take in your
baby and make a giant leap from pregnancy to parenting.
Despite all the anticipatory parenting done before
conception and during pregnancy, despite weeks of
feeling movement within and fantasizing about your baby,
despite months of having strange dreams, worrisome
thoughts, and musings about what kind of parent you will
be, the first time you hold your baby in your arms and
call yourself mother or father, mama or papa, mommy or
daddy, an awareness floods over you that life will never
be the same again. Another human being is now dependent
upon you for survival. More than anything else, you want
to be the best parent possible.
Your awareness of your baby's dependency and your desire
to be a good parent will together be a great source of
energy and a great source of stress. Both are part of
being a parent.
Becoming a good parent means much more than knowing a
lot about babies. Ask pediatric doctors or nurses what
it was like for them to be new parents. They will tell
you that all their knowledge about babies was not enough
to keep them from being over whelmed by their own
babies. All new parents feel the same way. All new
parents work at knowing, understanding, and loving their
babies. Your baby will work just as hard at learning to
know, understand, and love you. This is the process of
attachment-the work that parents and babies do together
to form a deep and lasting love. It is what becoming a
family is all about.
This book is written to give you some help as you make
the transition from pregnancy to parenting. It offers
ideas on things you can do to make this time of change
easier. It is written as much to encourage as to teach
you. Besides providing the information you need about
taking care of yourself and your baby, it can help build
your confidence in your own wisdom about your family's
needs. You will find the postpartum period easier if you
know what to expect during this time, if you actively
participate in health-care decisions, and if you build a
network of support that nurtures your growing family.
New families in the United States face some challenges
that families in most other countries do not. In the
United States, where nearly 99 percent of women give
birth in hospitals, the average hospital stay after
childbirth is two days for a woman who has given birth
vaginally, three to four days for a woman who has given
birth by cesarean. In many communities, new families are
discharged from the hospital within twenty-four hours of
birth. Such early discharge will probably become the
norm by the year 2000.
In most other countries, both industrialized and
developing, the postpartum period is seen as being at
least as important as the prenatal period. Because of
this, women giving birth in hospitals have longer stays.
More importantly, services are brought to the homes of
new families. No matter how long the stay in a hospital
or birth center, the family's transition to home-and to
sole responsibility for the newborn-is overwhelming. in
many countries all new families are visited at home by
midwives, nurses, or other trained personnel who teach
parenting skills, assess the mother's and baby's health,
and provide moral support (and sometimes, as in the
Netherlands, government-paid helpers do the
housekeeping!). In the United States, such services are
now provided to only a small minority of women.
The day after birth, you may ache all over from the
work you did in labor. Your arms and legs may be sore
from pulling back on your legs while pushing out the
baby.
Although achy legs are normal, tenderness, pain, or
warmth in your calves and swollen or reddened veins are
warning signs that you should report to your doctor or
midwife immediately. These signs could indicate
thrombophlehitis, an inflammation of a vein that can
result in formation of a blood clot. Postpartum women
are at slightly increased risk of this because the vein
walls normally relax somewhat in pregnancy. To reduce
the risk of thrombophlebitis, increase circulation in
your legs by doing foot rotations (see page 2 1) and by
getting up and walking soon after birth.
Thrombophlebitis is treated with bed rest, elevation of
the affected leg, hot packs, and the use of elastic
stockings. Medications may also be needed to prevent
infection and clot formation. The affected leg should
not be massaged.
Joints that relaxed in pregnancy to allow for the baby's
growth and birth will return to their pre-pregnancy
condition within several weeks of birth. Many women,
however, feel that the rib cage and pelvis remain
slightly expanded for the rest of their lives.
Abdominal muscles are relaxed after birth, so the
abdomen is soft and still rounded. All women have some
degree of separation of the abdominal muscles, which
lessens with exercise.
Any stretch marks you have will seem more obvious after
birth than before. Although stretch marks never
completely disappear, they fade to silvery white lines
in the months after childbirth. Darkened areas of the
skin, such as the areola and the linea nigra, a dark
line from the belly button to pubic bone, may tighten
but may not completely fade.
Many women note changes in their hair after birth-most
commonly, profuse hair loss. This is because pregnancy
hormones stimulate hair growth. With the drop in these
hormones, the extra hair that grew in pregnancy will
fall out. This begins around three months after birth
and usually ends within a couple of months.
Perhaps the most common feeling of new mothers after
childbirth is that of being bone-tired. This seems
especially true of women who have just had their first
babies. Often, fatigue is combined with such excitement
in the first days that sleep is difficult. The usual
aches and pains of the early postpartum period can make
it even harder to sleep. But beyond the first few days
after birth, most women find daily naps are essential to
their well-being.
Each woman recovers in her own unique way after
cesarean birth, just as after vaginal birth. Pain
medications can help during the first few days (the
medications given are considered safe during
breastfeeding). The nurses will assist you in getting up
the first time, learning to cough or huff to keep your
chest clear, dealing with the gas that can follow
surgery, and learning to hold your baby in ways that are
comfortable for you. If assistance is not available when
you need it, press your call button and ask for help.
All new parents can benefit from assistance at home
after childbirth, but for a woman who has had a cesarean
birth such help is essential for at least the first
week. Not only are you undergoing a transformation to a
nonpregnant state and learning to care for your new
baby, you are recovering from major surgery. Adequate
help, allowing you to rest often during the day, can
make a great difference in how quickly you feel strong
and well. Taking care of yourself and your baby should
be your only duties until you feel ready to take on
more.
These activity restrictions are usually recommended:
Take showers instead of tub baths until the incision is completely healed and dry. Ask your doctor or midwife for specific instructions on the care of your incision.
Like her labor, a woman's initial response to her
baby is something she remembers for a lifetime. Women
greet their babies in as many ways as there are mothers.
Before they give birth, most women anticipate a rush of
loving feelings, or even tears of joy. others anticipate
instantly "feeling like a mother." Some women actually
experience these things. Many do not.
Sometimes, a woman experiences a temporary holding back
from the baby whose birth caused pain or emotional
trauma. A new mother may have a feeling of
distance-which in retrospect may seem like disinterest.
Or she may feel a strong need to attend to herself, pain
and exhaustion compete with interest in the baby. in
retrospect, she may see herself as selfish. Coolness,
distance, self-centeredness-none of these fit with any
woman's conception of a "good mother." Because of this,
many women say they feel guilty about their initial
responses to their babies.
Many women speak of feeling outside of themselves after
labor. It is as though one's personal boundaries are
hazy. Is it any wonder that women feel they are not
taking their babies in-"as they should?" They can hardly
take themselves in! This is to be expected. Most women
say it takes days to come back into themselves. This is
the natural rhythm of things. Something amazing is going
on. As boundaries are reclarified, they are also
redefined. You are now a mother. Your baby is no longer
one with you, as in pregnancy. But the new boundaries
are extended, to connect you for a lifetime to this
other person. This connection is the essential work of
the first months of parenting. You may have all the
loving feelings you anticipated, but if you do not, give
them time to evolve, as you do the work of taking on
your new role.
Many parents doubt whether they will recognize if the baby is sick. When you have no experience with babies, being told that a sick baby behaves differently from a well baby is of little comfort. if everything about your baby seems unfamiliar, it is hard to have confidence that you can and will recognize changes that indicate your baby is ill. Besides, healthy babies can cry for a couple of hours each day. Crying does not tell you as much in the first weeks as it will when your baby is older. So how will you know if your baby is sick? Asking yourself these questions may help:
Any of these changes could indicate illness. if you notice any of them, or other worrisome changes in Your baby, call your baby's care- giver. When you call the office, be prepared to describe:
If you plan to use a bassinet or cradle instead of a crib, many of these same safety tips will still apply.
Expectant parents know they will have a lot to learn
after their babies arrive. They know it will take time
to feel confident about diapering, bathing, and soothing
a baby. Most have been told that feeding, too, will be a
learning experience. It is not until after the birth,
however, that the true meaning of this is dear. Parents
often say they had not anticipated that the baby, too,
would need to learn to feed. Also unanticipated is the
profound concern parents have that their babies be
adequately nourished.
Even as adults, many people are greeted by their mothers
with the questions "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?"
These are questions you will find yourself asking your
baby. It is natural for you to feel somewhat anxious
when the baby's answers are not as clear as you might
like. Following are some basics about feeding that can
guide you as you gain experience.
Feelings after Birth. Fathers who are present at
birth are, more often than mothers, captured by the baby
immediately. Whereas women may need minutes, hours, or a
few days to feel connected to the baby, fathers often
feel the power of this connection at the moment of
birth. Unless the mother or baby is in some danger just
after birth, the father is likely to find these moments
life-changing and exquisite. These feelings are often
blended with a sudden awareness of exhaustion.
A father also experiences new feelings about his mate.
He may speak of his amazement at her courage, strength,
and endurance during labor. He now faces the task of
integrating his memory of her in labor with his previous
knowledge and feelings about her.
A father may have to work through feelings he
experienced while supporting the mother in labor. One of
the most common feelings fathers speak about after labor
is that of helplessness. Unless he is told, a man may
not know how much his presence and emotional support
really meant to the laboring woman.
A man may also feel that the labor experience has
altered his whole life view. He may have gained a sense
of the miraculous and spiritual, of a deeper meaning to
life.
Not all fathers, of course, are able to share the birth
experience. A lot of fathers who missed their babies'
births worry that not having been there will affect
their relationships with their babies. Birth is a
special moment in the parent-child relationship, but it
is only one moment. The years of child rearing provide
many other shared moments that are just as important in
the development of a relationship between father and
child.
Excerpt reprinted with permission from foxcontent.com