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Helping
Your Child
Deal with Fears & Phobias
It is probably safe to say that
every child has fears in varying degrees. Some are the normal fears of
childhood while others are not. It is the role of the parent to reassure a
frightened youngster. The ability to do this well can result in the
child's feeling secure and safe in his present and later life.
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If you believe you might benefit from the services
of a mental health professional, please call 1-800-964-2000 to receive a
referral to a psychologist in the United States or Canada. If you live
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A certain amount of fear is
healthy and understandable. It keeps us and our children out of harm's
way. We teach our children to fear running into a busy street, accepting
candy from strangers, swallowing unidentified substances from the medicine
cabinet, et cetera. In such cases, we are teaching our children to fear
the results. We are, in essence, teaching them caution which is quite a
different matter from dealing with a youngster who is responding to an
imaginary rather than a real danger. Such a child evidencing anxiety when
there doesn't seem to be anything specific to be anxious about, whose fear
is so great, it borders on becoming a phobia.
In a survey a number of years
ago, the fifteen most common human fears were identified, some of which
relate to children's fears. They are:
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Darkness |
Public
speaking |
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Being alone |
Dentists |
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Angry people |
Hospitals
(blood) |
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Rejection |
Spiders |
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Disapproval |
Taking tests |
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Failure |
Deformed
people |
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Making
Mistakes |
Police |
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Dogs |
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Many of these fears, if not
recognized and treated properly in children, can develop into more serious
phobias In adult life.
Fear
of the Dark
Generally fear of the dark occurs
when the parents insist that the child stay in a totally darkened room at
bedtime or when the child wakes up in the middle of the night. Some
children are so terrified by the dark that their heartbeats actually
increase. Parents need to recognize the fact that the room looks totally
different to the child when the lights are out and should take steps to
reassure the youngster even if the fear seems completely irrational to the
parents.
1 . Use a night light but
experiment with its placement to be sure that it does not create all
sorts of frightening shadows.
2. After the light has been
turned out. Stay in the room for a few minutes and talk about how
different things look. A curtain blowing in the breeze looks very
different at night than it does during the daytime.
3. Leave the door to the
child's room slightly open and tell him that you will not be far away.
4. If the child awakens in
the middle of the night, he should not be invited into your bed or you
risk starting a habit that is difficult to break. Instead, comfort him
in his own room and tell him that you are proud of him for being grown
up enough to sleep in a room by himself.
5. Remain consistent in your
approach to his behavior.
Andyroo's
Dream Tapes, Vol.1 We have found this tape to be very useful in
helping young children get to sleep.
Fear
of Animals
While the fear of animals affects
almost all children, it happily seems to decrease as the child gets older.
In the intervening years. A number of approaches can be made to lessen the
child's fears.
1 . Don't transmit your own
fear. Study and then teach the youngster the proper behavior around
animals. (For example, always approach a dog from the front where it
can see and sniff your hand.)
2. Identify the child's fear
for him. For example, "Dogs can be scary, but this one lives
right next door, and he wants to be your friend."
3. Consider having a pet in
the family and choose one that is smaller than the child. (They can
grow together.) Then let him help with feeding and caring for the
animal.
4. Under no circumstances
should the child be allowed to tease or mistreat an animal. This can
provoke an attack or a bite, and then it will doubtless be a
considerable time before the youngster's fears can be fully overcome.
5. Don't force the child to
pet an animal. Let him do it in his own good time. Don't encourage
hand-feeding animals whose bite may be bigger than the portion
offered.
Fear
of School (Especially Kindergarten)
School phobia, as it is sometimes
called, may have a number of causes, both real and imagined, and it is the
parent's responsibility to find out what is causing the problem.
1 . Is it fear of school or
fear of leaving home? If it is fear of school, what specifically is
involved? Fear of riding the school bus? Fear of failing? Fear of
being teased? Each of these possibilities must be examined and dealt
with individually, if necessary with the teacher's help. Finding a
good friend, a buddy, who can share the bus ride or be a playmate at
recess can be helpful.
2.
If
it a fear of leaving home, be sure the child is not picking up on
parental anxiety; be sure he realizes that you will still be there
when he comes home from school.
3. Discuss each school day
with the child. particularly novel and enjoyable experiences.
Fear
of the Dentist
Clearly this is often an
unresolved fear from childhood since so many adults are fearful of going
to the dentist. It is usually provoked because the child feels he has
absolutely no control over the situation. It's a fact of life that
children do need to go to the dentist at regular intervals so their fear
must be dealt with and overcome.
1 . Choose the dentist and
his clinician carefully. If possible, seek out a practitioner who
specializes in children's dentistry.
2. Start early so the child
will get used to visiting the dentist's office for simple checkups
when nothing except a cursory examination is required.
3. Teach the child good
dental hygiene so that trips to the dentist will be minimal.
4. Try not to transmit your
own fears of the dentist to your child.
[Click
here for more information on helping children cope with the fear of
dentists]
Fear
of Death
Children are usually curious
about death, and this is normal unless the child begins to suddenly worry
that someone he loves will die soon. The average child generally doesn't
really fear death until he has seen it in a person or animal. It is then
that he may feel the first inklings of his own mortality.
1. Be willing to discuss
death with the child if he wishes it but use this as a time for
reassurance, indicating that he really need not worry about it right
now.
2. Be honest when someone
close to your family dies either through illness or accident. It's the
child's lack of knowledge that will cause his fears.
3. Be reassuring if the child
thinks he was responsible for a death. Youngsters who are angry can
think, "I hate him. I wish he were dead-" If by some awful
chance, the person to whom the hate was directed dies, the child can
feel responsible. Be sure that he knows he is not.
4. Many experts feel that a
child should be over five before he is exposed to a funeral home or
funeral service experience and only then if he is willing. Parents may
want to describe it as a way of saying "goodbye."
Perhaps the kindest thing parents
can do when dealing with a child's fears is to admit their own childhood
fears, especially if the parent had similar fears when he was a child. Ile
parent can indicate that he understands just how devastating such fears
can be and that he stands ready to reassure and comfort whenever the child
feels a need.
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