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Birth Order
Where a child places in the birth order can have an effect
on how he sees himself. Research on birth order,
sometimes
referred to as ordinal position, shows that first born
children are more likely to go to college than children in
any other position in the family. These apply to
"typical families" and probably do not apply to "dysfunction
families" and may vary across various cultures. Parents should attempt to
help each child to see themselves as unique individuals and
avoid comparisons with siblings or others.
The middle child often seems to have the most negative
impressions of his lot in life. One approach to help middle
children reframe things is to point out that in a sense they
have the best of both worlds. They are the youngest to the
older sibling and the oldest to the younger sibling.
Therefore they are both a big brother/sister and a little
brother/sister. Younger children always want to be able to
do the things older siblings are allowed to do. And older
siblings may feel that the younger siblings get away with
things they were not able to when they were the same age.
The following characteristics will not apply to all
children in every family. Typical
characteristics, however, can be identified:
| Birth Order |
Typical Characteristics |
|
Only Child |
- Pampered and
spoiled.
- Feels
incompetent because adults are more capable.
- Is center of
attention; often enjoys position. May feel
special.
- Self-centered.
- Relies on
service from others rather than own efforts
- Feels unfairly
treated when doesn't get own way.
- May refuse to
cooperate.
- Plays "divide
and conquer" to get own way.
|
|
First Child |
- Is only child
for period of time; used to being center
of attention.
- Believes must
gain and hold superiority over other children.
- Being right,
controlling often important.
- May respond to
birth of second child by feeling unloved and
neglected.
- Strives to keep
or regain parents' attention through conformity.
If this failed, chooses to misbehave.
- May develop
competent, responsible behavior or become very
discouraged.
- Sometime strives
to protect and help others.
- Strives to
please.
|
|
Second Child |
- Never has
parents' undivided attention.
- Always has
sibling ahead who's more advanced.
- Acts as if in
race, trying to catch up or overtake first
child. If first child is "good," second may
become "bad." Develops abilities first child
doesn't exhibit. If first child successful, may
feel uncertain of self and abilities.
- May be rebel.
- Often doesn't
like position.
- Feels "squeezed"
if third child is born.
- May push down
other siblings.
|
Middle Child
of Three |
- Has neither
rights of oldest nor privileges of youngest.
- Feels life is
unfair.
- Feels unloved,
left out, "squeezed."
- Feels doesn't
have place in family.
- Becomes
discouraged and "problem child" or elevates self
by pushing down other siblings.
- Is adaptable.
- Learns to deal
with both oldest and youngest sibling.
|
|
Youngest Child |
- Behaves like
only child.
- Feels every one
bigger and more capable.
- Expects others
to do things, make decisions, take
responsibility.
- Feels smallest
and weakest. May not be taken seriously.
- Becomes boss of
family in getting service and own way.
- Develops
feelings of inferiority or becomes "speeder" and
overtakes older siblings.
- Remains "The
Baby." Places others in service.
- If youngest of
three, often allies with oldest child against
middle child.
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NOTES: 1. The
middle child of three is usually different
from the middle child of a large family.
The middle children of large families are
often less competitive as parents don't have
as much time to give each child and so the
children learn to cooperate to get what they
want. 2. Only children usually want to be
adults, and so don't relate to peers very
well. When they become adults, they often
believe they've finally "made it" and can
now relate better to adults as peers. 3.
During their formative years, only children
live primarily in the world of adults. They
must learn how to operate in the big
people's world as well as how to entertain
themselves. Thus they often become very
creative in their endeavors.
(Adapted from
Don Dinkmeyer, Gary D. McKay, and Don
Dinkmeyer, Jr., Parent Education Leader's
Manual Coral Springs, F:; CMTI Press,
1978) |
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